You won't like the president when he's angry.

Major League Baseball spring training has begun, but nothing has grabbed the headlines more then Alex Rodriguez, the most recent case in this troubling steroids scandal. To hopefully shed some light on the situation, I recently sat down with Victor Conte, founder and president of Bay Area Laboratory Co-operative (BALCO).

All work by "The Acorn King" is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License

BREAKING NEWS: Reports have been flooding into Awesome Town regarding a bizarre rash reaction caused by jellyfish stings. It appears that victims stung by this new species of jellyfish have found a rash to occur within seconds of contact. The rash then morphs, bizarrely transforming into the unmistakable image of a celebrity profile.

Four such cases have been reported in the past month along the shore communities of: Long Beach (CA), New London (CT), Miami Beach (FL) and Coney Island (NY).

Documented case #1:

Rash begins to darken.


Rash lightens, revealing a human likeness beneath.


Rash fully develops, revealing the profile of ex Mötley Crüe drummer
Tommy Lee.


Documented case #2:

Rash begins to redden around effected area.


Rash has now begun to spread.


Rash reaches its final stage, revealing the profile of controversial boxing promoter Don King.


Documented case #3:

Rash begins to spread.


Rash darkens.


Rash begins to fade.


Rash completely fades, revealing pop sensation Justin Timberlake.


Documented case #4:

Mr. Awesome says: "Treat a jellyfish sting by peeing on it"


After peeing on the area we begin to see a human likeness.


Rash develops to reveal R&B singer R. Kelly.

In a related note:
One onlooker was quoted as saying "I wish I would get stung and have the Virgin Mary appear, I could make some serious cash off that...but with my luck the closest I'd get would be Madonna."

Chris Parnell and his yet to be born 3rd son Winston (Named after the cigarettes),
are the funniest SNL cast members ever.

In the future Chris Parnell will give birth to 3 boys, the 3rd boy will go on to create a comedy troupe with his two older brothers at which time he will make comedic history by getting the entire world to simultaneously laugh, during a live holographic world broadcast of the ‘Parnell Sons Comedy Hour.’

In the final minutes of the show Winston Parnell will feel uneasy after successfully making everyone in the world laugh, except for the then 106-year-old Charlie Manson.

However, in the final seconds of the show Winston WILL be successful at making Manson laugh after he murders his two brothers as a punch line to his final joke of the evening. Manson, having greatly appreciated Winston’s dark comedic sense, and dedication to his craft – will let fourth a thunderously bellowing laugh that will later be proven to cure the world of cancer. Creating a widely recognized treatment for cancer patients, later titled ‘Manson's Sonic Blast’. This is a true story.