I was shocked to hear yesterday that famed French chef Julia Child was part of a secret World War II spy ring that operated on behalf of the United States.

This information was just declassified, along with thousands of other documents by the U.S. National Archives. Also released were a list of 24,000 soldiers, actors, historians, lawyers, athletes, professors, reporters and others who agreed to collect information in an effort to combat the Nazis.


German Officer: "Does this look like the recipe for French Onion Soup?"


Julia Child, the newest Bond girl?

Honestly this story is so outlandish that I can't even make fun of it.

But this does make me wonder. If Julia Child could be an undercover agent, is it out of the realm of possibility to think that James Bond could have actually been an undercover chef?


"Sautéed, never simmered."

BREAKING NEWS: Reports have been flooding into Awesome Town regarding a bizarre rash reaction caused by jellyfish stings. It appears that victims stung by this new species of jellyfish have found a rash to occur within seconds of contact. The rash then morphs, bizarrely transforming into the unmistakable image of a celebrity profile.

Four such cases have been reported in the past month along the shore communities of: Long Beach (CA), New London (CT), Miami Beach (FL) and Coney Island (NY).

Documented case #1:

Rash begins to darken.


Rash lightens, revealing a human likeness beneath.


Rash fully develops, revealing the profile of ex Mötley Crüe drummer
Tommy Lee.


Documented case #2:

Rash begins to redden around effected area.


Rash has now begun to spread.


Rash reaches its final stage, revealing the profile of controversial boxing promoter Don King.


Documented case #3:

Rash begins to spread.


Rash darkens.


Rash begins to fade.


Rash completely fades, revealing pop sensation Justin Timberlake.


Documented case #4:

Mr. Awesome says: "Treat a jellyfish sting by peeing on it"


After peeing on the area we begin to see a human likeness.


Rash develops to reveal R&B singer R. Kelly.

In a related note:
One onlooker was quoted as saying "I wish I would get stung and have the Virgin Mary appear, I could make some serious cash off that...but with my luck the closest I'd get would be Madonna."