Proper Walking Techniques  

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Walking, it’s something we all do everyday, but not something we all do well. Its more than just left foot/right foot (or right foot/left foot depending on your religious beliefs) there are actual rules to abide by.

Rule 1: Umbrella Chicken
On a rainy day, such as yesterday, I don’t enjoy playing umbrella chicken with oncoming walkers. If I’m coming at you and I have my umbrella low, go high. If I have my umbrella high, go low. It’s an easy game that even the smallest tot can master. Practice in your mirror at home, it’s fun!

Rule 2: The Crotch Pendulum
This one goes out to all the ladies out there. Some of you put a little too much swing into your arm when you're walking.
It may feel so right to you, but it feels so wrong to an oncoming walkers "cash & prizes." So unless you’re competing for a place on the US Speed Skating team, try to keep the swing arm to a minimum. Do it for the balls, they would do it for you.

Rule 3: Stay In Formation
When walking down a sidewalk there is a correct formation to walking depending on how many people you’re traveling with. The example below illustrates the correct and incorrect formations when traveling with 4 people. Note that in the correct formation everyone has a chatting partner. In the incorrect formation one person is trailed behind, an outcast to all – pushed to the back of the herd and susceptible to all predatory animals.

(Correct walking formation when traveling with 4 people)
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(Incorrect walking formation when traveling with 4 people)
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(Correct walking formation when walking on the set of the HBO series Entourage)


There are many-many-many more rules to walking, but these are all lessons I will have to leave for another time. Until then, keep your laces crossed and your legs straight.

2 Squirrels Squirreling

excellent information - if only it can fall into the hands of those most in need.

There are two others that drive me nuts. When approaching 3 or 4 people walking elbow-to-elbow in a way that covers the entire width of the sidewalk, and they don't yield even one inch as they strive to appear so engaged in conversation that anything but absolute lock-step is an abomination. My favorite action here is to simply stop and force them to find a way around ME.

The other is the same group as viewed from behind when they are moseying along at the pace of drunk caterpillar. There is no solution here but to perhaps find a way to crunch into their Achilles heels and thus give them a reason for their death-march pace – not that I would actually do so but imagining it helps me have the patience to trundle along behind them.


Oh yeah I hate that. The hand holders and the heat seeking walkers that run right into you. Sometimes I swear people go out of their way to walk into me. I get to the point where after so many people walk into me...I just shoulder check the next on-comer. Look out granny!

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