All work by "The Acorn King" is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License

So I had an idea for a new reality show for FOX. What do you think of this...

All work by "The Acorn King" is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License

So I was minding my own buisness this morning, just watching a video from M-A-R-R-S "Pump Up The Volume," and this Google ad pops up at the bottom of the screen. WTF?



All work by "The Acorn King" is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License

Hey look, the new Vampire Chronicals book is out.



All work by "The Acorn King" is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License

Why hasn't anyone tried to fight Iron Man with a giant magnet? That is literally the first thing I would try. Then I would move on to oxidation.

This is brilliant. It's a living photograph titled: "Chris With Teacup."

I originally posted this Bell Biz Dafoe album cover on my Buzz Feed page, if you're not following that...sign up now! Some people came back with some pretty creative responses, shown below. If you have any of your own, sign up and post them to my Buzz Feed account!

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I was noticing some similarities between Paris Hilton & Brick Tamland (from Legend of Ron Burgandy), so I edited this video together. Enjoy. *Original Paris Hilton edits courtesy of FourFour.

All work by "The Acorn King" is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License

Back in my day, our iPods didn't have touch screens. You had to crank through your songs with a scroll wheel...that actually moved! This wheel used to get beach sand stuck in it and stick, plus it was heavy as a brick compared to the new fangled iPods that the kids have today. And it only came in one color, white. And the screen had no colors! And it didn't get internet! And it would only hold 5 gigs! And it couldn't locate the nearest Starbucks to me! And it couldn't hold photos, or play video! IT ONLY PLAYED MUSIC!!! Kids today have it so easy.



All work by "The Acorn King" is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License

I stumbled upon this enema kit for cats the other day. I'm rarely taken back when I see products catering to unique pet needs, but this one sort of grossed me out. I couldn't see myself sticking a water syringe up anyone's a-hole, much less a cat. How do you even know your cat is constipated? You can easily tell if a dog is, because you walk it several times a day, but cats poop on their own. I mean, if I owned a cat and didn't have to clean the litter box for a few days I'd feel fortunate. I wouldn't immediately start looking for ways to manually excavate my pet's colon. 

If you answered "yes," would you consider coming over and snaking my dogs pipes? McGruff hasn't pooped in a few days. However, if you plan on giving him an enema, you'll have to talk him out of his London Fog coat first—he's very fond of flashing joggers in the park.

So I discovered a random online chat service a couple weeks ago, it's called Omegle and by "random," I mean random.

When you first log-on the computer pairs you up with a total stranger. You don't know their age, if they are a guy, girl, or mythical beast. You don't know where they live, or even if they like the band Toto. You don't know anything and this is where the hi-jinx ensues. Basically, whatever the first person types is what starts the conversation, so I decided to have a little fun with this. Here are the first three conversations I had on Omegle.

I WANT TO EAT SOME BABIES.


WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH $1,000?





DID YOU DO IT?

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Today is Easter Sunday, that magical time when we remember Jesus' glorious resurrection from the dead — which we celebrate by chomping on chocolate easter bunnies and gourmet jellybeans. But I guess I do feel better about drooling down the neck of a decapitated chocolate bunny, than the torso of a chocolate Jesus. That could just be weird. So, in celebration of this miraculous of miraculous days, I would like to announce a slightly less miraculous event (yet much funnier). I (The Acorn King) will now be contributing to the pants-shittingly funny website "Are You F---ing Kidding Me." That's twice the funny, for triple the freeness! As a kick-off to this awesome event, here's a classic post from the Grand Poobah (Monkey) of RUFKM. Happy Easter!

KNEEL BEFORE ZUMBA! (by Loose Cannon of RUFKM.net)
It’s not every day you meet your hero. I did just that while having some general maintenance and repairs done on my car. This was at a store that my friend’s parent’s owned that I have known for over 20 years.

When I walked into “Firestone” (not the name of the business) the manager, Dave (the real name of the man), was sitting behind his desk wearing their standard issue red logo polo shirt. It wasn’t until he stood up that I realized I was about to meet most inspirational man on Earth. It was an amazing sight. Dave was wearing the aforementioned shirt, tucked into Zubaz Zebra Pants. Are you F—ing kidding me?

I’m not sure if you are familiar with Zebra pants and their hypnotizing power so I have included the picture above. In fact, these pants are so rare that there is hardly any documented footage or proof of theirexistence on the entire Internet. I couldn’t even find a picture of any human wearing them, just the pants. I thought they were possibly afigment of my imagination, until that fateful day.

I hadn’t seen a pair since 1988. They were very popular with the wrestling/power lifting/serial killer crowd. They were usually complemented by a ripped string tank top by someone who looked like they snorted a dozen eggs for breakfast, tanned until flames shot out of their skin, and whose veins looked like they were trying to escape their host.

Dave was a bearded 50 year old man whose health routine peaked at standing up and walking towards me.
It was the first time I had seen this item featured in the workplace or, for that matter, in any social setting. I looked around the showroom to see if there was a circus or safari theme that would explain the need for such attire but found so such evidence.

But there was Dave, standing in all his glory ready to giving me a legal contract to sign to begin repairs while wearing zig-zaggedsweat pants. While Dave stood in front of me, pen in hand, I contemplated the many possible obstacles he might face in his pursuit of wearing these trousers. In other words, interactions that could make him rethink his decision.

A. Wife
B. Both of his teenage kids
C. Owner
D. Employees
E. Customers
F. Any human that wasn’t also wearing zebra pants

Dave had made it past all these challenges. In fact, many might have given him positive reinforcement like “You look great, Honey” or “Cool pants, Dad.” This could explain how he was looking ultra confident while asking me to authorize over $500 worth of repairs. I signed and was on my way to return several days later. Maybe it was laundry day. Perhaps he had a clowning gig directly after work. Or maybe, just maybe — he was a GENIUS.

I found my answer upon my return. There Dave was again, with legs that looked like an African mammal. Two days later. That’s when it hit me. Dave had found a loophole. Every company has their own dress code/guidelines whether it’s professional dress or wearing a specified uniform. It is always very specific and lists what you CAN wear and also what you CAN’T wear. Usually the CAN’T list includes jeans, mini skirts, open toed shoes, Capri pants, etc.

NO DRESS CODES MENTION ANYTHING ABOUT ZUBAZ.
SO DAVE SHOWED UP WEARING THEM ONE DAY AND NOBODY SAID ANYTHING.
AND THEN…HE DID IT AGAIN.
AND AGAIN.

My fiance had a nightmare recently that I showed up to work wearing nothing but a T-shirt tucked into my Calvin Klein’s (she even dreams in cliches) and that I said “It’s cool, it’s casual Friday.” To me this is not a nightmare. It’s my fantasy. If it was socially acceptable and I could pull that off instead of wearing a tie, long sleeve shirt and ANY PANTS AT ALL…great. It’s hot down here in Florida.

Dave, you are my hero. You are a mastermind. When others are getting out of their pajamas to get ready for work, you are slipping into yours and heading out the door. You lead the revolution for comfort and style. Well done, sir.






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I've been working from home a lot lately, so it goes without saying, I've also been watching a lot of daytime television. And I have to say, why Maury hasn't been nominated for a Daytime Emmy yet, is totally beyond me.

All work by "The Acorn King" is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License

All work by "The Acorn King" is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License