G'day! I was looking at the analytics for my blog today (pushes imaginary glasses up nose and geekily snorts to self) and I noticed that outside The States, the second most traffic to my blog has come from Australia—followed by Canada and The UK. I'm not sure exactly how I have a following in Australia, but thank you for stopping by, even if it was on accident.

Hopefully this posting will not alienate a large amount of the small following I have. As many of you know, I work in advertising and recently had a chance to create some commercials for a certain awesome Australian lager. The commercials have been well received here in The States, but there still might be a few Australian's who think we're making fun of them, but we're not at all, if anything we're making fun of Americans for being little wussies. I love Australians! After all, you're the continent that brought us Mad Max, how bad ass is that? Very. You also brought us the boomerang! The first time I actually got one to work, I ducked and my kitchen window caught it. And let's not forget Men At Work, Paul Hogan, Jako (the precursor to the Energizer bunny), Sir Howard Walter Florey (co-discoverer of penicillin), and supermodel Elle MacPherson! So hopefully you don't take offense to the commercials, we're only having some fun. Click on the link below to check them out, If you like them give them a 5-Star rating and I'll owe you an American stereotype in my next commercial.

>Check Them Out Here<

Super Bowl XLIII (43 for the roman numeral impaired), has come and gone, but the advertising aftertaste still lingers. In my opinion, there were a lot of average commercials during this Super Bowl (and I think this is usually the case), so I'm leaving all the grade "C" ads out of this post and am only focusing on the opposite ends of the spectrum, the "good" and the "ugly."

The spots this year went for a reported 3 million dollars a :30 spot, then add to that the cost to produce each spot and you're looking at 3.5-4 million dollars a commercial! It's hard to fathom that in these financially strapped times, businesses like Go Daddy could piss away 6-7 million dollars on shitty Super Bowl commercials. WTF?! I think this might be a good segue into the spots, I'll start with the ugly first.

THE UGLY.

Doritos, "Crystal Ball"


First off, the casting of the main actor in this spot was awful. Second, a nut-shot joke as your big payoff? Really? What is this, a Bud Light spot?
Grade: D


Doritos, "Magic Chip"


Oh, he bites the chip and the girl's clothes came off, HA! Oh, he bites a chip and the ATM spit money out, AWESOME! Oh, he bites a chip and turned a cop into a monkey, RADICAL! Oh, he walks out in front of a bus and bites it!!! No, the douche lived. Shit.
If only I could bite into a chip and make this ad disappear, just like the 7 million Doritos ate on advertising.
Grade: D-


GoDaddy.com, "Shower"


This is one of those commercials that had me saying "what just happened?" These ads make me wonder if this company is run by horny 12 yr old boys, or is that just their target market? This commercial is proof that sex doesn't always sell. Hey, I have a domain name I'd like to register with you: YouHornyLittlePricksJustPissedAwaySevenMillionDollars.com.
Grade: F


GoDaddy.com, "Enhanced"


Just when I thought Go Daddy couldn't make a worse ad then the last one, they out-suck themselves. This isn't just one of the worst Super Bowl spots I've ever seen, this is one of the worst commercials I have ever seen, late-night infomercials included. I'm sure GoDaddy could be doing something better with all the money they wasted on bad spots. To top it all off, they do their advertising in-house — so no blaming the ad agency on this one bros!
Grade: F


Budweiser, "Fetch"


I get it, Clydesdale horses. Beer. Horses. Honor. Beer. Horse. Horse. Drunk. Beastiality.
Grade: D


Budweiser, "Circus"


"I didn't know Daisy was dating." Ha, ha, ha, ha, barf. I hear the glue factory calling.
Grade: D-


Budweiser, "Generation"


Oh look, the horse tried to pull people in the cart, but is so big the people are lifted off the ground...ha, ha, ha! Bang! Your horse ancestors are saddened by this advertisement.
Grade: D-


Gatoraid, "Talking Heads"


With Gatoraid, I expect "cooler" commercials than this. This time they set the bar high and then limboed right under it, using an old first-thought concept of "talking heads." Oh, but some of the talking heads are really obscure, and if you know who they are, then you are very coooool. Not so much. Even the name, "The G," is lame. It's like they were trying to be so cool, that it really just made this spot lame.
Grade: D-


Bud Light Drinkability, "Ski Slope"


These spots should be about "suckability," for the next spot can you please draw a gag in the mouth of the spokesperson?
Grade: D+


SoBe Lifewater, "Lizard Lake"


What do you do when you're in advertising, not creative, and can't come up with a single original idea? You do a spot with a talking, or dancing animal, or in this case lizard. But the ad wizards behind this campaign was so unoriginal that they copied the exact same bad idea from the year before, but made it look extra awkward by adding rhythmless football players. But hey don't worry, they put it in 3-D, so it would suck on an extra dimension. However, Ray Lewis does sort of look like a lizard.
Grade: D-


Overstock.com, "Carlos Boozer"


Oh look, it's Carlos Boozer, he's a household name! (I truly hope you can read all the sarcasm in this.) Ok, this spot is bad on so many levels, but if there is one thing I would want the ad wizards to take away from this, it would be: Never use the phrase "bling-bling" again. It died many years ago after too many old white people said it during dinner parties.
Grade: D-



THE GOOD.

E*Trade, "Singing Baby"


I gotta say, I'm not a fan of talking babies, but these spots are done really well. My favorite is still the one with the creepy clown, but this one was pretty good too. Love how the baby keeps trying to break into song.
Grade: B+


Cheetos, "Pigeons"


I like the other Cheetos spot that is running now a bit better then this one (the one that takes place at a kids soccer game), but this one's not bad. Overall, I'm a big fan of the new bluesy Chester Cheetah mascot. I like the attitude. "Give daddy a kiss."
Grade: B


Monster.com, "Moose Head"


When looking at a trophy head on a wall, I've actually always wondered what the other side of the wall might look like if the rest of the animal were still attached, this commercial answered that. Nice job Monster, and thank you for refraining from what could have been an easy poop joke at the end of this spot, Bud Light could learn from your restraint.
Grade: B+


CareerBuilder.com, "Tips"


Dude, awesome. This was my favorite spot of the night, punching the Koala and having it spill coffee was brilliant. Muah! I would have given this spot an A+, but I thought they could have come up with a slightly funnier vignette then the speedo toenail clipping guy. Very nice work. "It's gold."
Grade: A


Coke Zero, "Troy Polamalu"




Thought this spot was a smart take on the classic Mean Joe Green spot, especially since Pittsburgh players were featured in both, I also thought ripping off the Coke Zero spokesperson's shirt and tossing it to the kid was a clever twist in this updated version.
Grade: B


Hulu.com, "Alec Baldwin"


Yes, this was basically a commercial for 30 Rock, but I love that show, so it works. I also like that Hulu didn't take their tagline too serious at the end, going with the line: "Hulu, an evil plot to destroy the world, enjoy." Props.
Grade: B+


Pepsi, "Pepsuber"

Love the MacGruber SNL sketches, thought this one was pretty funny, but the camera work in it was a little too shaky (a bit distracting), and I thought the dialogue could have been a bit funnier, but nice work on actually getting Richard Dean Anderson for the spot, Canada is smiling.
Grade: B-





All work by "The Acorn King" is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License

Sure we've all seen the "just like a mini mall" local ad from a couple years ago, and if you haven't then you need to crawl out from under that rock.



This ad proved that sometimes local TV ads are so bad, they're actually good. However, I think I just found some local ads that aren't in danger of that.

This one is so awesome that I was left speechless after watching it. I think this one is actually one of the best things I've seen in some time.

Christopher Knight for School Board



Cracka please! I want to get Richard Prior from the movie "Car Wash" to come and pimp slap you for making this ad.

The Credit MacDaddy



I'm guessing they were trying to be bad on purpose with this one.

Discount Seafood Warehouse



Is this their idea of hot models? Is that first girl a talking orange, or just a Jersey girl that fell asleep in the tanning bed?

J&P Auto Mart



So this is what happens to all those football players that graduate high school and still think they're tough.

Attorney Denvil Crowe



I'm embarrassed for this guys family.

The Pizza Barn



I wonder what our countries frontiersman would say if they could see this commercial (after they got over the whole moving pictures in a box thing).

Martin Fine Furniture



The only thing better than a bad local ad, is a bad local ad blooper!

This one is so awesome, I don't even know where to start. Please be warned that there is some strong language in this one. My favorite line has got to be:
"Yeah focus, that's what I need to do. I should have thought about that 30 years ago, probably would've helped, otherwise I wouldn't have ended up in Pinetucky selling fu*@ing beds."

Beds 4 Less



At least this commercial demonstrates the springs.

The Furniture Guy



This guy is just a tool.

Gallery Furniture


There are so many bad local ads that I'm not even scratching the surface with these, but I hope they were at least entertaining.

Give a squirrel a nut :)

All work by "The Acorn King" is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License

Ok, for my first post I’m going to babble on about the 2005 MLB All Star game ads, because I know everyone gives a shit.
Fox kicked off the drama last night in typical Fox fashion, with an over produced pre-game show. Ah, nothing squelches the drama of a live sporting event like a drawn out pre-game. This time Fox really outdid its self, with its debut of a cross-promotional ad likening this years All Stars to The Fantastic 4 — narrated by Michael Chiklis (The scary milk dud lookin' detective from The Shield). Wow, now that you mention it David Eckstein does remind me of The Human Torch, flame on! Man, Fox is so wicked cool!!! (overt sarcasm detected)

Yes! And finally in the cross promotion we’ve been waiting our lives for. Ameriquest teams up with The Rolling Stones! An Ameriquest spokesman gets bounced around by a crowd of fans in front of the stage at a Stones Concert. It’s as if ‘Jumpin’ Jack Flash’ were written just for Ameriquest. Gawd crowd surfing is so hip these days.

My Worst of The Worst award goes to the Blockbuster Video commercials. Blockbuster launched its mail-in dvd program with talking idiots speaking to the camera and saying absolutely nothing. Makes you not wonder why Netflix doesn’t need to advertise. I heart you Netflix (single tear).

And this season’s clean-up hitter in this crop of crap (how's that for alliteration) is Taco Bell. Go back to the fucking dog, because the “Good-to-Go” geek ain’t cutin’ it. Does anyone actually write these ads, or are they just pooped directly from the Chihuahua’s rectum? Think outside the Bun? Seriously? Can we as Americans make a collective agreement to throw the phrase “Think outside the box” and any variation of it into an airtight and highly implosive box, which may or may not contain the phrases: “Bling-Bling”, “You go girl”, “Diva”, and the singing career of one Ashley Simpson. Please? For me?

And what would a baseball game on Fox be, without promos for it’s upcoming shows. Some girl solves old crimes by dusting off dead peoples skeletons, in this season’s crime thriller “Bones”! Followed by a death confirming report on Michael Rappaport’s acting career, after seeing a preview for his quirky new sitcom “The War at Home”. In this weeks preview we see him cringe as his white daughter brings home a black boyfriend; who goes by the moniker ‘Tee’, hilarity ensues as we are told that ‘Tee’ is really short for ‘Booty’. Oh, snap! I think I hear one lone white guy in Long Island TIVOing this for the season. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a huge Rappaport fan, but I wonder if this show is going to kill his career, or if it was already prematurely shortened after smoking all those skunky Spike Lee joints?

And when we finally got back to the game (I almost forgot I tuned in to watch a game of baseball) we were greated by an animated talking baseball named 'Scooter' who enlightened us big kids to the subtle nuances of the game of baseball...like what a fastball is. Seriously? How could I ever be expected to follow the fine game of baseball without the aid of a sissy child-like talking baseball? Without you Scooter I would never know what a fastball was. I eagerly anticipate seeing you again this weekend as the Yankees take on the Red Sox. Until then, happy trails buddy.

By the way — a baseball game was played and the American League was triumphant, winning 7-5. And the natives rejoice.

Additional rants:

During next years Baseball Home Run Derby, can we have less of the owners un-athletic kids shagging balls in the outfield? It’s sad to see 35 talentless little-shits scamper under a fly ball, over run it, fall down in unison, then fight the other kids for the ball. Tony Emenski is sickened by you. Buy his video. *Endorsed by Fred McGriff.

Did anyone see the interview in the dugout with Chicago White Sox pitcher Mark Buehrle? I’m honestly not sure what language he was speaking. Hmm…talk like he have bunny poo-poo marbles in his mouf. Seriously, I know you were drafted out of Junior College and all, but the english language isn't that difficult to master. Hooked on Phonics worked for me.