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The Acorn King would like to salute Chet Love, the undisputed most awesomest man ever. From the years 1977-1986 Chet ruled the underground scene as both a b-boy and a b-movie star.

Chet Love first gained notoriety in 1977 as the premiere star of "Whitesplotation" cinema. Hollywood took notice of the green rolling in from Blaxploitation titles such as: Shaft, Black Belt Jones, Blackula, Cleopatra Jones, The Mac, Superfly, and Black Caesar, now the studios hungered for a bigger piece of the bean pie. Whitesplotation was their answer. Chet was discovered in a Rent-A-Center® parking lot in Pawtucket Rhode Island, where he was found breakdancing on a square of linoleum beside his bitchin' Iroc-Z. In Chet the studios saw a white boy with ethnic crossover appeal, this was the most excited white people had been since Elvis.

The viewing audience was initially apprehensive of this new sub-genre of film. After all, the exploitation of white people was something entirely new to Americans — but Chet quickly won their hearts with his masterful portrayal of an outer-space tennis pro named "Esquire Jones," in the now classic Science Fiction series "Honkey Boy 9000." This role would earn Chet both public notoriety and international acclaim. Before you could say "lilly white" Honkey Boy was followed by an onslaught of more Whitesplotation films led by, "White Collar Dollar" and "Uncle Charlie's Cracker Farm." Chet's trademark good looks and darling catchphrase "white-on" took America by storm. For the first time in nearly a decade the white owned studios were in the black again.

Over the next few years, a slew of other titles followed: Honky-Tonk Honkey, Uppity McEntire, Agent Pasty Face, Vanilla Vega Summers The Hamptons, Honkey Boy 9001, Croquet Crackdown, Salt & Sugar Shakedown, Guest House Party, Suburban Snowfall, Chalk, No Rhythm All Blues, Honkey Boy 9002, WASP Weekend, Casper-Man Ain't Got No Love For Mookie-Man, White Devil's Dance Party, and Honkey Boy In Future Land...just to name a few.

In 1981 Chet would leave the silver screen and invade American households, to take a crack at 80's sticoms. His first endeavor was a comical episodic about an out of work English professor who finds love and life after accepting a job as a rich woman's dog walker — In the uproariously funny "Who's Walking Whom?"

The series was canceled after only eight episodes, but Chet quickly bounced back, accepting the role of 'Electric Willy Starks,' a breakdancing truck driver traveling the open road and serving all suckers who step in his path. The series was titled "Breaker-Breaker." The series lasted only six episodes, yet it was the most successful show ever to air on ABC.

By 1983 Chet had amassed an army of lady-friends and one of the finest mustaches in all of Hollywood, but sick of all the limelight, Chet made the decision to drop out of the public eye and return to his modest playboy life of underground breakdancing. So If you're in the right place at the right time, wearing the right denim, you might just catch a glimpse of this funky folk hero famous for his expensive taste in cheap women. The world knows him as Chet.

Fast Fact: Chet's great uncle (Winthrope Love) broke the color barrier of the Negro Leagues, becoming the first and only white player to ever play in a negro league game.

Chet Love is difficult to sum up into words, but a noted paleontologist once put it best when he said:
“CHET IS LARGER THAN LIFE. TO BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND CHET YOU MUST FIRST UNDERSTAND THE INNER-WORKINGS OF THE UNIVERSE AND OUR PLACE IN IT AS A WHOLE. THE CREATION OF MAN, AND THE CREATION OF LIFE ITSELF.”

As a postscript to the Chet piece, I would also like people to know that Chet was indirectly responsible for the invention of the Almond Joy Bar. One day while "showin' some sucka the score" in a breakdancing comp Chet pulled out the now legendary Vanilla Thunder Shakedown, causing his opponent to fall down in disgrace. His opponent, Cool Breeze LBC, fell onto Chet's open Mounds bar. Upon standing-up, with the candy stuck to his crotch, Chet yelled "Mounds don't have Nuts". At this precise moment a candy executive was walking by and an advertising phenomenom was sparked. This is not an exaggeration of the truth but a factual event witnessed by myself, Cool Breeze's top dog — Pookie Head Jenkins.

Visit Chet's fan page on MySpace: Chet Love

I’d often wondered what would happen if an actor and his stuntman lived together in the same house. Would they bring their work home with them? The following is a sketch on what I think would occur.



Announcer:
Chet is an actor. Jake is a stuntman.
They both live together in a NYC apartment.
Together they make a very odd couple.

(Chet returns to his apartment after work, his roommate Jake is sitting on the couch with a rather large ice pack on his arm. Chet and Jake are dressed identical. Jake is even wearing a wig that matches Chet’s hair.)



Chet Love:
Hey Jake.

(camera zooms in on Chet’s face.)

SFX:
Audience applause

(Chet smiles at the camera, points winks and delivers his next line after the applause dies down.)

Chet Love:
Home early from work? I didn’t even see you leave.

Jake Smith:
I kind of had a rough day at the office.

Chet Love:
Tell me about it! I had to shoot the hot tub scene 18 TIMES!



SFX:
(Audience sympathy.)  Ahh.

Chet Love:
I nearly missed lunch!

SFX:
(More audience sympathy.)  Ohh.

Chet Love:
Why was your day so bad Jake?

Jake:
Well, this morning while we were shooting the volcano car wreck sequence, the pyrotechnics backfired and burst my car into flames, severely burning an entire epidermal layer of skin on my left arm.

(Jake looks over and waits for crowd reaction. No reaction.)

Jake:
Then, when I was finally pried free from the car after 45 minutes of smoke inhalation and excruciating pain. I had to shoot the scene where you jump 6 stories onto a concrete sidewalk covered in marbles.

(still no crowd reaction.)

Chet Love:
Well, that must smart.

(cheesy grin and laugh.)

SFX:
(Crowd laughter.)

Chet Love:
Can you believe they originally wanted me to jump into a dumpster outside a sponge factory? I mean, where’s the danger in that?!

Jake:
(Angry) I don’t know Chet, where is the danger?

Chet:
Anyway, you want some coffee? It’s super hot.

Jake:
Sure, why not.

(Chet begins to pour the coffee but nothing comes out. He then puts the pot over his face and begins to turn the top of lid.)



Chet Love:
Oops, looks like this is going to hurt. Jake, I could really use my stuntman for this scene!

Jake:
This scene?! We’re at home! Can’t we have just one day where you don’t take your work home with you?

Chet Love:
Jake. Please don’t make the talent wait.

Jake:
Fine!

(Jake gets up from the couch and limps over to his spot in the kitchen. Chet is frozen in his last position. Jake tags into Chet’s place with the coffee pot above his head, just about to turn the top.)

Chet Love:
Great, now let’s pick that up where I left off.

Jake:
Hey Jake, you want some coffee? It’s super hot.

(Turns the top. Scalding hot coffee pours out onto Jake’s face.)

Jake:
Ahh!!!!!!!!!!! Shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Son of a!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(No reaction from the audience.)

(Chet sprits’ his diet cola onto his face, as if it were coffee, and tags back into the "scene.")

Chet Love:
Ok, I got it from here buddy.

(Close-up of Chet.)

Chet Love:
Ah, the stinging! My face! My beautiful face!

SFX:
Audience gasps. Dramatic organ music plays.

Chet Love:
And…cut. Thanks buddy, that was fab.

Jake:
…Augh…

(Jake is now in the kitchen running his face under cold water.)

Chet:
(Smells something burning.) Crap! My toast, it won’t pop-out of the toaster.

(Chet gets a knife to stick into the toaster.) Jake, I’m gonna need you again bud.



Jake:
(Jake now has the spray nozzle from the sink aimed at his face. He gets mad and throws it into sink. Jake, who is soaking wet, grabs the butter knife and thrusts it in the toaster. Jake is immediately electrocuted.) Ah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Once again there is no audience reaction, but the toast has now popped up.)

Chet Love:
Ok I’ll take it from here babe.

(Chet grabs a piece of burnt black toast and rubs it on his face to make it look as if he was charred.)

SFX:
(Audience sympathy.) Oh!!!

Chet Love:
(Back in acting mode now.) Don’t worry that didn’t hurt a bit, in fact.

(Close up shot.) It may have woken me up to all the injustices in this world, perhaps I should try this more often.

SFX:
(Boisterous audience applause.)

Jake:
(Head smoldering, face charred, arm/leg messed up.) The hell you will!

Chet Love:
What was that?

Jake:
You know what, I’ve had just about enough of this shit. It’s bad enough I have to do all your stunts at the office, but then you can’t help but bring your work home?

Chet Love:
(Close-up) But I…

Jake:
But I nothing! Butts are for strip clubs and filthy ash trays beside video poker machines at 4 am!

(Close-up as Chet gives puzzled look.)

Jake:
And another thing, why do you get all the close-ups? All the audience sympathy? And all the attention? You even get a cooler name — Chet Love. What the hell! I’m stuck over here with Jake Smith. Or as the credits read, "stuntman #2." I’m not even listed as the #1 stunt man!!! I demand some respect around here!!!

(We now see a little slow, jerky zoom on Jake.)

Chet Love:
I’m sorry buddy. I guess it was wrong of me to take advantage of you at home. I suppose at times I just have trouble getting out of character.

Jake:
Well, It just hurts that’s all.

Chet Love:
I know. I’m sorry about all the tough action scenes I put you through. And I’m sorry about the hot coffee. And about the toaster. And about jerking off in your shampoo bottle.

Jake:
What!?

Chet Love:
Oh, nothing. Hey, let me take you out to the movies to make up for it.

Jake:
Ok I guess, but you're driving.

Chet Love:
You got it buddy. (Chet opens the door to leave, revealing a steep flight of stairs.)

Chet Love:
They should really fix this carpet here, I’m always stubbing my toe on this damn thing. Oops!

(Chet does a fake trip and fall toward the stairs. Jake fake laughs, then shoves Chet down the stairs.)

Jake:
(Close-up) I guess Jackie Chan isn't the only one who does his own stunts.

SFX:
(Boisterous audience applause.)

All work by "The Acorn King" is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License