I’ve lived on the border of Bed-Stuy and Clinton Hill Brooklyn for around four years now, and every few months I would fire a few shots into the night sky from my apartment window to keep my rent stabilized. Rent control mutha suckas! But despite my best efforts, my neighborhood has officially become trendy and with trend comes increased rent. Yea!

Is your "up and coming" neighborhood coming up?
Recognize the signs and act before it’s too late.

*The appearance of a thrift shop
*The disappearance of a bulletproof bodega
*A record store (that actually sells records)
*Several Bohemian bagel/coffee shops
*Asian infiltration
*White people with dreadlocks
*A lounge
*People walking with instrument cases
*Loud band practices
*Outdoor cafes
*New construction of luxury condos
*Art galleries
*Increase in actually good street graffiti
*Babies
*Widespread gentrification
*An explosion of ethnic restaurants
*Pups
*More lights
*More stoplights
*Increased police patrol
*Open mic nights

TBA
*A hookah bar
*Tattoo parlor
*Influx of bars serving PBR cans
*An American Apparel Store

Seriously –
Does anyone know why every tree in the city (especially in the outer boroughs) are covered with audio tape?
If you haven’t noticed this phenomenon, just look up in a tree.

Did everyone in the early 90’s go “I’ve got a CD player now – Screw this cassette bullshit!”
then proceeded to strip the tape from their Jodeci ‘Cassingles’ streaming them across Brooklyn tree tops.

I still happen to cherish my MTV Unplugged version of Jodeci’s Cassingle ‘Lately’...almost as much as I cherish you mom. Snap.

This weekend I had the pleasure of seeing "drunken ghetto Santa" at the Atlantic Avenue Mall in Brooklyn. He was sitting outside of the Target and was all slouched down in his chair. Three women walked by and he proceeded to leer and mumble something about being naughty or nice in their direction.

The women looked over at Santa and replied “Ok Santa, whatever.” (snaps fingers and shakes head) Santa smirked and continued to leer at the three women and just as they passed by his chair he pointed at each one with a dark outstretched finger saying: 

“Ho." 

"Ho." 

"Ho.” 

God I love Christmas in Brooklyn.

*Artist representation