Life in the 1980's was nothing short of radical.
Video games invaded our homes, MTV walked on the moon, and Spiderman was yet to be played by that douche Toby McGuire. Speaking of, the frightened kid you see in the photo is me. I drastically misjudged the sheer creepiness of sitting on the lap of a giant spandex spider.
During the 80's my home was made up of me, my three older sisters, my mom, and my dad who was in the Navy and often out to sea. At a very early age I had to learn how to live in a house with all girls. Four women and one bathroom, you do the math. It goes without saying that Sports Illustrated was nowhere to be found on my coffee table, while magazines like Glamour and Cosmo covered every surface. I may not have known how to hit a hanging curve, but dammit could I accentuate a cheekbone.
My youngest sister would often give me hand-me-downs (which were luckily gender neutral). Oh, I forgot to mention that my youngest sister is actually nine years older than me, making her hand-me-downs a decade out of date. Gee thanks for that pet rock sis, I'll have fun playing with it while listening to your discarded collection of David Cassidy 8-tracks!
So when Christmas came, I quickly tore into my presents, unearthing a glorious "red team" Photon set. This was my "Red Rider" BB gun. I immediately wondered which color my neighbors got, who was going to enter battle with me and my red team?
I hoped my neighbor Cathy didn't get the red kit. She was an especially whiny girl, who suffered from fallen arches and crippling allergies — weaknesses that would never fly with my elite force of futuristic assassins.
It turns out the Toriello and Graham parents went shopping together and were persuaded by the sales people to buy Lazer Tag, because it was the popular choice. As for Cathy, well this is the girl that was still eating baby food up through high school – true story.
The following Christmas I learned my lesson and opted to trade my Photon helmet in for a BMX helmet and bike. At least this was one sport that didn't require coordination with the rest of the neighborhood.
All work by "The Acorn King" is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License