The Majestic Two City Tour (New York Edition)  

Posted in , , , , , , ,

For the final stop on my two city tour I visited NYC. While in Seattle I visited a zoo, so I thought it would be fitting to visit the Bronx equivalent. The Yankees were playing their final game in Yankee Stadium and I was determined to score tickets to this historic event. So where does one turn when they want to find something? Why they hit-up my man Craig and his magical, magical list of course.

That's right, I actually used Craigs List for a serious reason this time, can you believe it? I wouldn't have either, but here's visual confirmation. I got tickets from someone leaving for Florida who wanted to unload them before they left, they were actually great seats too.

When I arrived at the stadium I could smell the excitement in the air, or maybe that was just the aroma of drunk Yankees fans. Either way, we all gathered underneath the subway platform, surrounding hordes of vendors trying to cash in on the game. They were peddling t-shirts, jerseys, newspapers, pins, ticket holders and just about anything else you sell with a Yankee logo on it.

I hadn't seen this many opportunistic vendors since I visited the Sistine Chapel and witnessed their vendors selling shot glasses with Pope John Paul II on them. Being the good Catholic I am, I convinced myself they were only selling the glasses so others could enjoy their wine in moderation. I ended up buying a t-shirt from one of the vendors, which simply reads: "Bahston Sawks Cack." 

Oh, I should have probably clarified that I purchased this t-shirt from a New York City vendor, not a Vatican City one. That would have been weird.

As I waded through the hordes of NY fans and vendors, I crept closer to the cathedral of baseball. I had now noticed that on one side of the stadium was a line of guys facing a wall. I assumed they were pissing on it, but then I noticed a girl facing the wall too and I thought — man she's talented.
As I got closer I noticed they weren't peeing on the wall, they were just trying to chip pieces of it off. I joined them in the chip-fest and managed to pocket some nice chunks of the exterior wall at Yankee Stadium.

By the time I entered the park I was completely high on nostalgia, my eyes darted from corner to corner of the stadium searching for the perfect souvenir to steal from the ballpark I grew up with, but New York's finest were in full force and everything worth taking was completely bolted down. So I grabbed a seat and enjoyed a two hour tribute to Yankees past & present. I was concerned that the magnitude of this event might be lost on some of the younger fans in attendance. This notion was quickly dispelled after hearing the young fan sitting behind me make this poignant sports observation to his brother: 

"This like totally sucks, I can't believe the stadium ran out of pretzels. How could they run out of pretzels, it's not even the first inning! I hope the new stadium has more pretzels than this one, because this place sucks."

Yes, now that I think about it I remember seeing plans for the new Yankee Stadium and being relieved that they included an expansive mezzanine pretzel tier to the design. I'm sure your father will be refunded the 400 plus dollars he shelled out on that seat you were sitting in you ungrateful little shit.

But despite the pretzel outage, it was a great game, as the Yankees took the last one at the stadium 7-3. Only one idiot rushed the field and he was quickly taken down by New York's human piñata patrol.

After that the next couple days in NY were pretty low key. I hung out in Brooklyn some, walked around the East Village, shanked a hooker, and then chilled in Central Park where I saw that douche David Blaine setting up his latest trick. You know, the one where he hangs upside down for several hours and then does nothing. I watched the end of it on TV and I would have been Tremors 2 pissed if I stood there waiting to see him smash into the ground, only to see him pull-up short and float off into the night sky. Snooze.

So now I'm finally back at home. Actually I've been back for over a week now, but you wouldn't know it by looking at my suitcase — which continues to sit unpacked on the floor next to the washing machine. I think I should probably get on that. Meh, actually I think I'll just sit here on the couch and continue doing a whole lotta nothing.

10 Squirrels Squirreling

sounds like a good trip, but i miss the wildlife pics from your other one. yankee fans don't count.

I know. I spared everyone the homeless wiener pic I got of a passed out homeless man. It actually would have fit nicely with your last blog entry.

Sounds like you had fun. My weekend was almost as cool. You did turn around and pretzel slap that boy right?

I know, it was almost like you were there too!

I was in NY at the same time but out by LaGuardia. That city is a piece of crap and all the boroughs are just little pieces of corn stuck in said crap. I'll take Boston anyday. I do agree about David Blaine though. I like the stuff he does but that hanging upside down only to do nothing at the end crap was hella lame.

dude, i'm diggin' the new theme.

very nice.

heh, by the way, Rickey's frown was a total accident... Honestly. The error has been corrected however and those responsible for it have been sacked.

Ha, I figured. Thanks for sacking those responsible. I'd blame Lenny Dykstra. He was always getting in Mookies way.

Sounds like a good time. But you apparently missed the literary pub crawl in the Village. That is my favorite thing to do is NYC. And pretzels are easily available in the pubs.

mike paliarulo…nice.

Post a Comment

Acorn Archives

Be A Follower

Hear me anywhere

Achieve eargasm. Listen to this blog on your iPod.

Take me mobile

Lovingly gaze at this blog on your iPhone. Subscribe to THE ACORN KING. on your cell phone

Visit My BuzzFeed

Via BuzzFeed

Acorn Activitiy

Buy This Art!

Tamara Starr, "An Unexpected Friend"

Amazing art/prints from emerging artist, Tamara Starr.

About A.K.

The Acorn King is a human being living on planet Earth. He firmly believes that with hard work and dedication, he will one day grace the cover of Cat Fancy.


Misconceptions About The Acorn King

  • I only drink Shasta cola.
  • I have a whammy bar hidden somewhere on my body.
  • I know the atomic weight of Boron.
  • I own a glorious mustache comb.
  • I can conjugate the Spanish verb tomar.
  • I wear socks and shoes with my stilts.
  • I hang out at the Regal Beagle.

Get More Acorn King on RUFKM


Some Reading Tunes

Acorn King is Lijit

Thanks For Visiting

A.K. Banner

<center><a href="" target="_blank"><img border="0" alt="Photobucket" src=""/></a></center>

My Blog Awards

Photobucket Major Award

Fuel My Squirrel

My Networks

View Guy Helm's profile on LinkedIn
Online Marketing Toplist
Add to Technorati FavoritesBlog This Here
My BlogCatalog BlogRank

I heart FeedBurner

Directory of Humor Blogs
Top Comedy blogs
Top Blogs
Blog Directory for Long Beach, California