Today is Easter Sunday, that magical time when we remember Jesus' glorious resurrection from the dead — which we celebrate by chomping on chocolate easter bunnies and gourmet jellybeans. But I guess I do feel better about drooling down the neck of a decapitated chocolate bunny, than the torso of a chocolate Jesus. That could just be weird. So, in celebration of this miraculous of miraculous days, I would like to announce a slightly less miraculous event (yet much funnier). I (The Acorn King) will now be contributing to the pants-shittingly funny website "Are You F---ing Kidding Me." That's twice the funny, for triple the freeness! As a kick-off to this awesome event, here's a classic post from the Grand Poobah (Monkey) of RUFKM. Happy Easter!
It’s not every day you meet your hero. I did just that while having some general maintenance and repairs done on my car. This was at a store that my friend’s parent’s owned that I have known for over 20 years.
When I walked into “Firestone” (not the name of the business) the manager, Dave (the real name of the man), was sitting behind his desk wearing their standard issue red logo polo shirt. It wasn’t until he stood up that I realized I was about to meet most inspirational man on Earth. It was an amazing sight. Dave was wearing the aforementioned shirt, tucked into Zubaz Zebra Pants. Are you F—ing kidding me?
I’m not sure if you are familiar with Zebra pants and their hypnotizing power so I have included the picture above. In fact, these pants are so rare that there is hardly any documented footage or proof of theirexistence on the entire Internet. I couldn’t even find a picture of any human wearing them, just the pants. I thought they were possibly afigment of my imagination, until that fateful day.
I hadn’t seen a pair since 1988. They were very popular with the wrestling/power lifting/serial killer crowd. They were usually complemented by a ripped string tank top by someone who looked like they snorted a dozen eggs for breakfast, tanned until flames shot out of their skin, and whose veins looked like they were trying to escape their host.
Dave was a bearded 50 year old man whose health routine peaked at standing up and walking towards me.
It was the first time I had seen this item featured in the workplace or, for that matter, in any social setting. I looked around the showroom to see if there was a circus or safari theme that would explain the need for such attire but found so such evidence.
But there was Dave, standing in all his glory ready to giving me a legal contract to sign to begin repairs while wearing zig-zaggedsweat pants. While Dave stood in front of me, pen in hand, I contemplated the many possible obstacles he might face in his pursuit of wearing these trousers. In other words, interactions that could make him rethink his decision.
B. Both of his teenage kids
F. Any human that wasn’t also wearing zebra pants
Dave had made it past all these challenges. In fact, many might have given him positive reinforcement like “You look great, Honey” or “Cool pants, Dad.” This could explain how he was looking ultra confident while asking me to authorize over $500 worth of repairs. I signed and was on my way to return several days later. Maybe it was laundry day. Perhaps he had a clowning gig directly after work. Or maybe, just maybe — he was a GENIUS.
I found my answer upon my return. There Dave was again, with legs that looked like an African mammal. Two days later. That’s when it hit me. Dave had found a loophole. Every company has their own dress code/guidelines whether it’s professional dress or wearing a specified uniform. It is always very specific and lists what you CAN wear and also what you CAN’T wear. Usually the CAN’T list includes jeans, mini skirts, open toed shoes, Capri pants, etc.
NO DRESS CODES MENTION ANYTHING ABOUT ZUBAZ.
SO DAVE SHOWED UP WEARING THEM ONE DAY AND NOBODY SAID ANYTHING.
AND THEN…HE DID IT AGAIN.
My fiance had a nightmare recently that I showed up to work wearing nothing but a T-shirt tucked into my Calvin Klein’s (she even dreams in cliches) and that I said “It’s cool, it’s casual Friday.” To me this is not a nightmare. It’s my fantasy. If it was socially acceptable and I could pull that off instead of wearing a tie, long sleeve shirt and ANY PANTS AT ALL…great. It’s hot down here in Florida.
Dave, you are my hero. You are a mastermind. When others are getting out of their pajamas to get ready for work, you are slipping into yours and heading out the door. You lead the revolution for comfort and style. Well done, sir.
All work by "The Acorn King" is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License